Margin Call Trailer

the lehman story. but might be a good flick.

the end has no end

tonight witnessed an amazing feat. demitria is out of town and i have get by on my own. i made my dinner. it was awesome. i made some cheese dip. and i was able to get the chips, bowl and my drink to the living room without incident. of course, that was multiple trips. multiple slow trips. and i was able to get out of the car with my work backpack while talking on the phone without falling over. the amazing feats have no limits tonight.

now, i've eaten. and i'm getting ready to watch a couple documentaries before i go to bed early tonight. i have my MRI early tomorrow morning. i wonder what they're going to find in there?

home

i've been spending a lot of time at home since i messed up my knee. no working out. no biking. no jogging. no walking. lots and lots of couch time. i thought it was going to drive me crazy. and maybe it will in the coming months. there are still lots of trying times ahead. but i love being home. i don't have to fit in working out or whatever. i come home. i ice my knee. i hang out with my wife. it's actually kind of great. she's going out of town tomorrow for a few days. through the weekend at least. i'm going to miss her. i can't wait until she comes home again.

this bright flash

it's not great getting old. there are parts that i enjoy immensely: the going to bed early, the getting up early, the drinking of coffee, the feeling of 'i've been there' when younger people tell me stories, the appreciation of trees, winter and fresh fruit. the list goes on and on. what i don't like about getting old is that your body starts to become like an old radio. the reception is still there, but the thing requires these massive batteries if you've lost the cord. and if you haven't lost the cord, some of the buttons have worn off and the stickers you put on there at one time to be cool, now look old and kind of lame. i still have the first cd player i bought from sam's club in houston. the cd player does not work and there is a houston oilers sticker on it. really old. but the radio still works and it's my only working tape deck in the house. i think i bought that stereo/radio and garth brooks' 'in pieces' at the same time. i busted that out like a month ago. still has it charms.

saturday afternoon, i went hard to block a shot at the net. i was playing volleyball. i don't play volleyball very well. i did block the guy's shot though. kind of. it went out of bounds, but it looked awesome. what wasn't awesome was that when i came down, it felt like my knee exploded. i was having the worst pain i had ever experienced in my life. i had to carried off the court. eventually, the pain subsided. i hung out. drank a few beers and was feeling better. i decided i could walk home. so i stood up and put some pressure on that knee and i felt a shift in my knee that could only mean horrible, terrible things. i went to the ER, had an x-ray and found no broken bones. they referred me to a orthopedic surgeon for an MRI just to make sure nothing was damaged.

i didn't get the MRI today but the doctor spent two seconds moving my knee around and was 100% sure i had a torn ACL. needless to say, i will be having the MRI either tomorrow or the next day. but i'm pretty sure this guy knows what he's talking about so i have accepted the fact that i do in fact have a torn ACL. check out what is and what it means right here.

what it means for me is that i'll be having surgery. the first surgery in my life. i don't have to have surgery though. i can continue the rest of my life with a torn ACL and be fine. however, i will never be able to play tennis, basketball, soccer or anything else that requires a lot of stopping and starting. i don't think that's what i want from my life at 31. but on the other hand, i am scared to death of having surgery. i don't like knives or blood or scars. i don't think it's awesome to have stitches or stuff like that. i want my body non-carved.

but i have to do it. once the swelling goes down and once i can get some strength back in the knee, i'll be having ACL surgery on my left knee. probably will be about 3-4 weeks from now. right around my birthday. and then i can look forward to six months of being less than 100%. but i guess that's better than 50 years. right?

football rap

i'm not a hyper-reactive fan. i don't think major changes must be made by one or two game performances. but the time has come to fire gary kubiak. we cannot afford to go another game with him as our head coach. the offense is terrible and i know andre johnson is hurt and arian foster has been hurt, but the play calling is incredibly moronic and the team has no heart or passion and i think that comes directly from the head coach. leave the defense as is. i think the defense is starting to come together and can only hold the other team for so long before they get tired and start to wear down. but i've seen these games enough. every game is the same. it's time to go for kubiak. right now. don't wait. don't waste another season. let him go.