porpoise song

we've come to two weeks since my injury. two weeks on living on basically a knee and a half. i don't recommend it. it's better to have two and that's only because you have two of everything else. it balances out. if anything goes from two to something less than two, everything is out of whack.

monday i get the MRI results. i'm really nervous. i want to believe that it's only a sprain and that i'm really fine. but i know there's something not right in my knee. i've had it 31 years. i know it pretty well. it's very possible i could be having surgery around my birthday, which is a week from monday. very possible.

it's amazing what the mind can put out of reach. i don't really think about it. i don't dwell on it. i don't obsess over it. but when that thought comes racing back from the back of mind, i start to sweat. i get a little queasy. i have these thoughts of me jumping in the air and coming down and my knee cracking and breaking and i fall over and down to the ground. i have thoughts of opening the garage door and putting significant weight on my knees and my left one buckles and i fall. i have these terrible thoughts. i mean, they're so ridiculous. i've had it happen for real. it happened two weeks ago and it felt nothing like that. it's just my mind trying to come to grips with this alien procedure. i'll be a nervous wreck when the time comes. or maybe i won't. i don't know. i cannot predict myself most of the time. i freak out when i shouldn't and then i'm abnormally calm when there's trauma and tragedy.

i don't know where i'm going with this. there really is no point. it's just rambling from my mind. worse will come to me in my life than this. this will be routine. this will be fine.

in other news, game six last night was beyond description. just, amazing. we're heading out to watch game seven tonight. i haven't watched a game seven since i was a young man in huntsville, texas. that was the last time there was a game seven in the world series. i'm super excited.

somebody just came to the door. why is that stressful? it didn't used to be. anytime the doorbell rings unexpectedly, i get that flight or fight feeling and since i can't fight or flight right now as i'm laid up on the couch, i had no idea what my third option was.

Ryan Adams - Night Sweats

this is one of the craziest things i've ever seen. it's awesome and it makes absolutely no sense. but i love it anyway. night sweats!

head over heels

this morning i was all over this town. i got a haircut, got some contacts and got some food from the whole grocer mart or something. i don't remember what it's called.

i also went by goodwill just to see what they had. i found three albums:

1. rem- automatic for the people
2. tears for fears- songs from the big chair
3. the rapture- echoes

all good finds for goodwill. also, i've been on a documentary kick since i can't get out much. i've watched:

1. man on wire
2. theremin- an electronic odyssey
3. scott walker- 30th century man
4. sacco and vanzetti

those are some good lists. i also took a bath this morning. much needed, i'll leave it at that. demitria comes back tomorrow. i need to tidy up a bit before she does. this is a pretty boring entry, but i haven't really been up to much lately. i'm sure when i get the surgery and i'm whacked out on painkillers, there will be much more lively entries.