written in the snow, pt. 1

i have winterized the music choices in the living room. out with the summer and sunshine, in with the cold and lonesome. here is what is currently in rotation:

1. the autumn defense- circles
2. van morrison- astral weeks
3. neil young- after the gold rush
4. frank sinatra- in the wee small hours of the morning
5. marvin gaye- what's going on

lots of singer-songwriter type stuff. there's more down there. as noted in the blog title, i will be revisiting my winter music rotation throughout the season. please try to keep your excitement in check. any emails asking for advance notice will be rebuffed. harshly.

the abandoned hospital ship

my surgery is scheduled for december 1st. that's a week after thanksgiving to the day. i received two opinions telling me the same thing: torn acl, partially torn mcl, surgery on the acl, no surgery on the mcl. that was good news. if one guy said torn acl and the other said bananas, we would have an issue.

the surgery will take one hour. i will have a new acl put together with a clamp and two screws. i think one of the screws is more of a bolt. not sure on that. i get to hang around the hospital for a couple hours and then they send me home. that will be it. in the morning i have a bad knee and in the evening i have a bad knee with the potential to be good in several weeks.

"we can rebuild him. we have the technology."

in other news, i went to physical therapy last week and got some tips on how to strengthen my knee in the meantime. it was a big help. i can already feel my leg getting stronger. basically he said my quad has shutdown and i have to get blood flowing back in there. i've been trying to do that in the gym, but i haven't been successful. now i can feel a difference. it's funny how i'm doing all this work to get it better right before surgery, then i have surgery and then i have to do all the same work again to get it functioning after surgery. lots of work. for volleyball.

in other, other news, we're getting ready for thanksgiving. we had a feast year and we said we weren't going to that again but it sounds like we're going to do it again. i enjoyed it. i helped with a lot of the cooking last year. it was really fun. the only thing that would make it great is if it snowed. it hasn't snowed since before my birthday.

i went nuts at twist and shout the other day. i spent my birthday gift cards. bought the following:

1. lou reed- berlin
2. spiritualized- live royal albert hall
3. real estate- (new album)
4. m83- hurry up, we're dreaming
5. warren zevon- excitable boy
6. super furry animals- phantom power
7. sparklehorse- good morning spider

i think that's it. i have a soft spot for the super furry animals. good stuff. and i think sparklehorse is one of the most underrated bands of all time. so good.

last night

i'm not sure what i saw last night. i think there was a football game of some sort. it didn't really look like one. lots of bad throws. bad plays. three and outs. i was confused and disoriented. then, out of nowhere, it was crystal clear. there was noise. crowds cheering. people excited. we had won the game.

that's what it's like watching the denver broncos and tim tebow. lots of confusion. lots of ugliness. and then, madness, chaos and a win. it's really amazing. they're running the option! the option! we ran that at channelview high school! the option! and they're winning with it!

it's really amazing.

and how about two whammies for houston sports in one week. matt schaub out for the rest of the season and the astros moving to the AL west. wow. matt leinert is our new quarterback and i have to love the DH. don't know if i can swallow it. don't know if i can take it. i guess i'll get over it. i guess i'll use the glow and aura of tim tebow here in denver to keep me warm and safe at night. thank you tim tebow for looking out for us and protecting us from the harsh reality of the sports world.

king of snails

i'm 32 now. i had my birthday but didn't really consider my age in the whole discussion of the event. i guess age is something that will play less and less of an important role in the birthday scheme. when you're young, each age brings some new level of importance/independence: 16- driving, 18- voting and smoking and military action, 21- drinking, 25- renting a car. and there's some other stuff thrown in there too. but 32? not much different from 31 or 30 or 29.

way back in the yesteryear of 2006, i came up with a plan. i was tired of my life. i was tired of the direction it was going. i was tired of everything i thought i had wanted. so as previously mentioned in the prior sentence, i came up with a plan. the plan was as follows:

1. go back to school for a marketable skill/degree
2. propose to my girlfriend who i wanted as my wife
3. get a new job
4. get married
5. graduate
6. pass the cpa exam
7. move to colorado or oregon, which was my other top candidate

i have done all those things with the exception of passing the cpa exam. as you've seen in my last brilliant post, i did pass REG and i hope to finally pass FAR this month, leaving only AUD in january of next year. either way, however it shakes out, i will pass next year. it will be over at some point. that takes care of everything on the list from 2006. hell of list. hell of a lot of progress for five years, i think. so now i need a new list. a new list for 2012 and beyond. maybe another five years. i like to keep it simple. 20 years is too much. you get bogged down in all the stuff you have to do. new list. here we go in no particular order:

1. buy a house in denver
2. hike a 14er
3. get another new job
4. visit a foreign country, preferably ireland or canada
5. buy silver/gold
6. get master's degree
7. listen to every lou reed solo album
8. start a considerably productive garden
9. meet matt taibbi

number seven will be the toughest.

victory dance

in addition to my amazing birthday night i experienced last night, i got my score back for REG.

i passed.

now i have to pass FAR this month and AUD in january. i've already passed AUD once, but i lost the credit.

i cannot believe i finally passed REG. i failed FAR by two points last time and one point the time before. i'm going to be ready to get those points this time.

and then i'm going to land this thing finally.

if you want to feel how i felt when i got my score, check out the song above and crank it.

they say it's your birthday

i had a bad day at work. no matter how hard i try, i always feel like i'm trying to catch up to everybody else. they've gone to great schools and received master's degrees. they pass the cpa on the first try. all four parts. they're studs, these kids. i try and i try and i do okay. they do great. it wears on me. and eventually i'm either going to win this race, get tired and stop or the race will win. each day brings a different outcome for me.

today, the race was rough. i was running all day and i don't think i got anyway. i came home a defeated man as i often do. but my mood my instantly lifted when i opened the door and my wife had the house decorated for my birthday. there were balloons. there were hats. there were inflated balloons and a birthday sign. this is in addition to the dinner and movie we're going to later tonight.

and as a gift, she got me the smile sessions box set which i've been talking about none stop since it came to my attention that it was being released. i'm listening to it right now and loving it.

i came home a defeated man. one leg. hobbling around. and now i feel celebrated. things can change for you. quick. i might come home defeated most nights. but every night i come home to my wife, i win.

lulu

the reviews have not been kind. i didn't think they would be. i have only listened to about 4 or 5 tracks. i suffered through them. it's lou talking over the common metallica crunch. he doesn't even try to sing anymore. and metallica doesn't try to do anything because, well, metallica sucks and always has. but the two of them together, i thought could be something amazing. something messed up, but truly beautiful underneath. maybe they could pull the best out of each other and return to their true potential. i was probably thinking of another 'berlin' maybe. but the band lou had for 'berlin' was talented. metallica sound like grunge hacks.

still. i wouldn't mind hearing it again. lou always makes me listen twice. but i think i'll wait until it hits the used bin. because i know it will. and very soon.

porpoise song

we've come to two weeks since my injury. two weeks on living on basically a knee and a half. i don't recommend it. it's better to have two and that's only because you have two of everything else. it balances out. if anything goes from two to something less than two, everything is out of whack.

monday i get the MRI results. i'm really nervous. i want to believe that it's only a sprain and that i'm really fine. but i know there's something not right in my knee. i've had it 31 years. i know it pretty well. it's very possible i could be having surgery around my birthday, which is a week from monday. very possible.

it's amazing what the mind can put out of reach. i don't really think about it. i don't dwell on it. i don't obsess over it. but when that thought comes racing back from the back of mind, i start to sweat. i get a little queasy. i have these thoughts of me jumping in the air and coming down and my knee cracking and breaking and i fall over and down to the ground. i have thoughts of opening the garage door and putting significant weight on my knees and my left one buckles and i fall. i have these terrible thoughts. i mean, they're so ridiculous. i've had it happen for real. it happened two weeks ago and it felt nothing like that. it's just my mind trying to come to grips with this alien procedure. i'll be a nervous wreck when the time comes. or maybe i won't. i don't know. i cannot predict myself most of the time. i freak out when i shouldn't and then i'm abnormally calm when there's trauma and tragedy.

i don't know where i'm going with this. there really is no point. it's just rambling from my mind. worse will come to me in my life than this. this will be routine. this will be fine.

in other news, game six last night was beyond description. just, amazing. we're heading out to watch game seven tonight. i haven't watched a game seven since i was a young man in huntsville, texas. that was the last time there was a game seven in the world series. i'm super excited.

somebody just came to the door. why is that stressful? it didn't used to be. anytime the doorbell rings unexpectedly, i get that flight or fight feeling and since i can't fight or flight right now as i'm laid up on the couch, i had no idea what my third option was.

Ryan Adams - Night Sweats

this is one of the craziest things i've ever seen. it's awesome and it makes absolutely no sense. but i love it anyway. night sweats!

head over heels

this morning i was all over this town. i got a haircut, got some contacts and got some food from the whole grocer mart or something. i don't remember what it's called.

i also went by goodwill just to see what they had. i found three albums:

1. rem- automatic for the people
2. tears for fears- songs from the big chair
3. the rapture- echoes

all good finds for goodwill. also, i've been on a documentary kick since i can't get out much. i've watched:

1. man on wire
2. theremin- an electronic odyssey
3. scott walker- 30th century man
4. sacco and vanzetti

those are some good lists. i also took a bath this morning. much needed, i'll leave it at that. demitria comes back tomorrow. i need to tidy up a bit before she does. this is a pretty boring entry, but i haven't really been up to much lately. i'm sure when i get the surgery and i'm whacked out on painkillers, there will be much more lively entries.

Margin Call Trailer

the lehman story. but might be a good flick.

the end has no end

tonight witnessed an amazing feat. demitria is out of town and i have get by on my own. i made my dinner. it was awesome. i made some cheese dip. and i was able to get the chips, bowl and my drink to the living room without incident. of course, that was multiple trips. multiple slow trips. and i was able to get out of the car with my work backpack while talking on the phone without falling over. the amazing feats have no limits tonight.

now, i've eaten. and i'm getting ready to watch a couple documentaries before i go to bed early tonight. i have my MRI early tomorrow morning. i wonder what they're going to find in there?

home

i've been spending a lot of time at home since i messed up my knee. no working out. no biking. no jogging. no walking. lots and lots of couch time. i thought it was going to drive me crazy. and maybe it will in the coming months. there are still lots of trying times ahead. but i love being home. i don't have to fit in working out or whatever. i come home. i ice my knee. i hang out with my wife. it's actually kind of great. she's going out of town tomorrow for a few days. through the weekend at least. i'm going to miss her. i can't wait until she comes home again.

this bright flash

it's not great getting old. there are parts that i enjoy immensely: the going to bed early, the getting up early, the drinking of coffee, the feeling of 'i've been there' when younger people tell me stories, the appreciation of trees, winter and fresh fruit. the list goes on and on. what i don't like about getting old is that your body starts to become like an old radio. the reception is still there, but the thing requires these massive batteries if you've lost the cord. and if you haven't lost the cord, some of the buttons have worn off and the stickers you put on there at one time to be cool, now look old and kind of lame. i still have the first cd player i bought from sam's club in houston. the cd player does not work and there is a houston oilers sticker on it. really old. but the radio still works and it's my only working tape deck in the house. i think i bought that stereo/radio and garth brooks' 'in pieces' at the same time. i busted that out like a month ago. still has it charms.

saturday afternoon, i went hard to block a shot at the net. i was playing volleyball. i don't play volleyball very well. i did block the guy's shot though. kind of. it went out of bounds, but it looked awesome. what wasn't awesome was that when i came down, it felt like my knee exploded. i was having the worst pain i had ever experienced in my life. i had to carried off the court. eventually, the pain subsided. i hung out. drank a few beers and was feeling better. i decided i could walk home. so i stood up and put some pressure on that knee and i felt a shift in my knee that could only mean horrible, terrible things. i went to the ER, had an x-ray and found no broken bones. they referred me to a orthopedic surgeon for an MRI just to make sure nothing was damaged.

i didn't get the MRI today but the doctor spent two seconds moving my knee around and was 100% sure i had a torn ACL. needless to say, i will be having the MRI either tomorrow or the next day. but i'm pretty sure this guy knows what he's talking about so i have accepted the fact that i do in fact have a torn ACL. check out what is and what it means right here.

what it means for me is that i'll be having surgery. the first surgery in my life. i don't have to have surgery though. i can continue the rest of my life with a torn ACL and be fine. however, i will never be able to play tennis, basketball, soccer or anything else that requires a lot of stopping and starting. i don't think that's what i want from my life at 31. but on the other hand, i am scared to death of having surgery. i don't like knives or blood or scars. i don't think it's awesome to have stitches or stuff like that. i want my body non-carved.

but i have to do it. once the swelling goes down and once i can get some strength back in the knee, i'll be having ACL surgery on my left knee. probably will be about 3-4 weeks from now. right around my birthday. and then i can look forward to six months of being less than 100%. but i guess that's better than 50 years. right?

football rap

i'm not a hyper-reactive fan. i don't think major changes must be made by one or two game performances. but the time has come to fire gary kubiak. we cannot afford to go another game with him as our head coach. the offense is terrible and i know andre johnson is hurt and arian foster has been hurt, but the play calling is incredibly moronic and the team has no heart or passion and i think that comes directly from the head coach. leave the defense as is. i think the defense is starting to come together and can only hold the other team for so long before they get tired and start to wear down. but i've seen these games enough. every game is the same. it's time to go for kubiak. right now. don't wait. don't waste another season. let him go.

sleepless in seattle

i'm back from seattle. i didn't get out much because i was under the weather. i didn't get to the space needle or anything like that. however, my hotel was right by the water and right by the fish market. so i was able to take some time and walk around the fish market. the fish they had there were incredible. i wanted to sneak a bunch of salmon in my bag and bring it home, but i figured the fish with the suitcase with the travel might be a bad combo. i also walked around the occupy wall street: seattle movement one day after worked too. it was interesting because the people i was with are young and generally from wealthy families. they had no interest walking through the crowds. they were visibly uncomfortable. i was not. i walked around and took pictures. i didn't sing or chant. but i felt at home walking amongst the people. there is a group here in denver too. i might go down there and take pictures there as well.

waiting on a friend

i'm hanging in seattle tonight. i have a cold. yep. i'm out of town with a cold. so instead of hanging out and eating great food, i'm sitting in the hotel room watching baseball and eating potbelly. i picked potbelly because they don't have them in denver. but i found one in seattle. anyway, i love the avclub. as i sit in bed with kleenex in my nose, i'm having a blast because i'm reading an article about great 'bad' albums. i love that concept. albums by great bands that enter into a period of making great 'bad' albums and who better to dissect than the rolling stones. i personally love goats head soup. it's not their best album, it's not their second or third best album. it's not particularly lyrically great or musically great. but it's a great 'bad' record. this guy picks tattoo you as his great 'bad' stones album. i can't really disagree with his analysis. check it out.

frances farmer will have her revenge on seattle

i hope she doesn't while i'm there. i'm headed to seattle today for a week long training exercise. i'm going to try and hit up the space needle and something else. maybe the fish market? bring some fish home in my suitcase? i think that sounds very appealling. i don't know anything about seattle and it helps that i won't have a ton of time to get out anyway.

how about those texans yesterday? mario's out for the season. ad's out for another 2-3 games. the game ended with a schaub int on the winning drive. what has changed? i guess just the year.

demitria is making fried green tomatoes for me this morning before i leave. as noted in previous blog entries, we have a ton of tomatoes to pick before winter comes and most of them won't ripen because it's too cold now. so we're frying them up. well she's frying them up and we're eating them green. they're really good. i've never had them. i think for her birthday in a few years, i'll get her a cow. and then the next year, a chicken. we'll be living off the land in a decade. maybe a windmill too. and solar panels. and a lightsaber.

winter

it's here. it's about 32 degrees outside today. it's time for winter music. that means the following artists will be returning to my stereo:

1. scott walker
2. leonard cohen
3. the rolling stones
4. yo la tengo
5. lou reed

weird how 3 of the 5 are singer/songwriters, not bands.

has anyone watched the new office with andy as the boss? i haven't really liked the first few episodes, but this week's was pretty good. i watched it this morning. i woke up super early today, like around 7:30. now i'm pretty tired. i should take a nap. i don't like taking naps though because i wake up feeling like all exhausted and mushy brained, like i can't think straight.

is it impolite to say you don't want to hold someones baby? i'm not big on holding babies and i'd really rather not in most situations. there are a few where i would, like when ana had a baby. i held her baby. but like people you're not that close to, i would rather not hold their baby. is that rude? can i just not be in the mood to hold babies? is that an affront to the babymaker?

you say tomato, i also say tomato

these are our tomatoes. they are from our garden out back. i posted some photos of our garden about a month or two ago. this is probably the last batch of red tomatoes we'll get. we still have plenty of green tomatoes. the weather is changing and it's getting colder. they don't do great when it's cold. that's why we've had so many grow down here in denver. you talk to people in the mountains and they can't grow tomatoes. we had some strawberries too, but we eat those right out back. we usually jump and down in excitement while we eat them. they're about the size of a dime. tiny, tiny strawberries. they taste awesome though.

we saw 'the ides of march' last night for free. it kind of sucked. i love clooney. this was not his best work. the most entertaining part of the night was the people. there are people there who go every week and line up and stand in line for hours to see free movies. there was a guy who knew like ever fourth group of people. he went to every little group and told each group what an amazing cast this movie had. and then he would name each person in the movie and walk away. and i could hear him each time. he was loud and very excited. and then later, he'd come back and tell each group that he would save them some seats. it was great. i ate so much popcorn though. big time. too much.