hurts so good

i never thought it would hurt getting feeling back. there's a small patch of skin right under my knee on the left side of my shin bone that was numb following the surgery. they didn't tell me that they were probably going to severe a small nerve there. however, during my checkup, they said most, if not all, of all the feeling would come back. and it's coming back. but i was not prepared for how tender the skin would be when the feeling did come back. it's a strange sensation because it's not 100%. i probably can feel about 70-80%, so when i move my finger over the patch, it's like touching your hand when you've slept on it and it's waking up, but there are no daggers in your skin as the blood rushes back. i have been running for the past two weeks, but not that great. it doesn't last long. but the strength is coming back. i predict no problems hiking this summer. i also predict eating sandwiches this summer. with chips.

peyton manning is coming to denver!!! no more tebow!!! i love it people. i love it. i have no idea if he has any gas left in him, but i do know that tebow sucks. and having peyton here will at least be interesting. also he's out of the afc south, clearing the way for a decade of texans dominance. it's fantastic. i'm ecstatic. in fact, i went out and bought some black spray paint and spray painted number 18 on all of my shirts, including my dress shirts. i subsequently found out he plans on not wearing that number. and i was informed that spray painted dress shirts are not acceptable work attire. i predict a polyester fueled fire this weekend.

it ain't me babe

as the political puppet politicians are dancing for us, making us believe that it is our decision who we elect and that they somehow represent our interests and not the interests of the major corporations and major banks in the world, other things are happening. things that aren't discussed on the nightly news or fox news or cnn news or whatever news cable source you choose.

this actually comes from wired magazine. the piece describes how by 2013 the NSA will have a system in place to collect information on you from every google search you make, every personal email you receive or send, every cell phone call you make and every bit of electronic debris you leave behind will be collected, assembled and put into a little folder with your name on it, ready to be used against you when the time comes. and do you know what the response will be from the american public? what is the NSA?

additionally, we have a wonderful monster of a bank called bank of america. it's our bank! it's the bank of america! sounds great! it's actually a gigantic festering sore that refuses to do anything other than systematically destruct their customers, the banking industry and our trust. the best part is that we refuse to let them fail. the government explicitly backs this monster and their mission to feed on us, the public.

finally, there is good news friends! someone, actually a guy named greg smith, wrote his resignation letter and mailed it to the new york times. where did he work? goldman sachs, the gigantic vampire squid. i hope that colleges, high schools, veterans halls, pension firms, asset management corporations, churches and everyone in between prints out his resignation letter and posts it for everyone to see.

in other news, i about to finish reading siddhartha. a wonderful book about a young man moving through his life trying to find meaning, understanding and holiness, a closeness to the spirits. i highly recommend it. he describes periods in his life as transitory and ultimately comes to find that life is transitory. what we knew or thought at one point in our life does not define all periods of our life. his story can easily be applied to our current lives or at least my life. i believe there are trials and challenges we must face and live a life that may be unsuitable for a period just to experience it. it is these experiences that finally allow us to move forward and travel to where we ultimately need to be in life, whether physically or mentally.

we i finish, i'm going to read the picture of dorian gray. i'm ecstatic to have time to read these amazing words.

and so it goes

my favorite fiction author is probably kurt vonnegut. his take on war and the atrocities of human nature are filled with sarcasm and wit. i immediately took to his views on the fractured schism of the human psyche. unfortunately, he died falling off a ladder a few years ago. i'm sure he would have had something witty to say about this end of his. a biography has been published about the man. if the book is anything as good as the review, i can't wait to read it.

meet me in the basement

a wise man once said to play this song when something epic went down.

this is that moment.

i passed my last test.

let me say that again.

i passed my last test.

let me say that again.

i passed my last test.

i finally landed this thing. what was seen as a curse was probably a blessing. when i tore my acl, i thought i had to turn this into something positive and beneficial to my life. so i studied. i was in the basement every day all day. i started around 11 in the morning and went until midnight stopping to sometimes eat and pet the cat. when i had to go back to work, i took a weekend off and i started again to finish it.

and i finished it. i'm done.

i have to say something though. although i took the tests, i never would have gotten through this without my wife. she was there for me each time it didn't go my way. she was there to do the laundry so i had something to wear. she was going to the grocery store and making dinners and lunches. she was cleaning the house and the cars. she was taking the cat to the vet. she was picking out birthday gifts, wrapping them and sending them. she was holding my head each time i felt like i failure. she was there each time. from beginning to end. i could never have done this without her help and support. i plan on paying her back throughout the next few years by spending each weekend with her and making sure she knows how much i love her and respect her.

so that's it folks. the plan i set forth in 2006 is complete. now it's time for the next plan.

got to get you into my life

i'm discovering all sorts of interesting aspects of life again now that i'm not studying all weekend. like yesterday, we woke up. had coffee. listened to 'wait, wait don't tell me' on npr. then we went and looked at a house. then i went to work out. i wasn't rushed. i wasn't in a hurry. i wasn't freaking out every second i wasn't studying. it was fantastic. it cleared my head.

we had dinner out last night at the capital grille. the dinner okay. our waiter was a nice guy, but his memory was a little off. demitria ordered a glass of wine and he never delivered it. not a huge deal. but then we paid with two gift cards. and we a had a balance on one of them, but he didn't give it back. so we asked for it back. he couldn't find it. so the restaurant gave us cash back. the waiter handed me money. how odd is that? have you ever been out to eat and the restaurant pays you? i have to say, i liked it. i hope it happens again.

then we went to a play at the vintage theatre, right next to the vine street pub. the play was pretty good. i'd say the playhouse had about 80 seats in the place. nice and cozy. the play was pretty good. it was a comedy about a woman who basically wants a new life and when that opportunity presents itself in the way of an older man who misunderstands her situation, she takes it. the play broke the fourth wall and had audience members on stage for like two scenes. it was interesting. i liked the play. and i would totally go back. demitria is thinking about maybe volunteering there. i highly encouraged it. i think she would love it.

today we're sitting in the house listening to 'breakfast with the beatles' about to have breakfast and go the garden show at the convention center. i'm hoping to get some ideas for an amazing garden when we buy a house. i want flowers, food and fragrance. i'm marketing that.

great weekend. these are the weekends i've been missing. i'm so glad to have them back.

sums it up

one more down

one more down people. i passed FAR.

now i can only hope and pray that i passed AUD this last week.

i've worked harder for this than anything i've ever done.

and i'm finally closing in on the finish line.

by the way, did anyone else notice that if the giants would have kicked the extra point instead of going for two, that i would have successfully predicted the exact final score of the super bowl?

awesome night.

mucho mungo pt. 3

we woke up this morning and took more pictures. the sun is out now and the snow is starting to melt. it probably snowed another two or three inches, so the snow in the backyard was up to my knees. we took a couple extra pictures too. the icicles are hanging off of every window on the outside of the house. it's pretty awesome. the grill in the backyard has tons of snow piled on top of it. it looks like an egg. and ice egg. also, the truck bed is full of snow. the shots of the two cars don't really tell the whole story because i've been clearing it off the windows and hood. if you don't do that periodically, then when you finally do, the ice is pretty thick and hard to scrub off. but it's been fun. not sure how long all the snow will last though.

super bowl pick: giants 22, patriots 17.

mucho mungo pt. 2

we decided to forego the 4'o clock pictures. around 3, it really hadn't snowed much. but since around 3, it's snowed a lot. so tomorrow we're going to update our photos and see how much more snow we received in 24 hours. that should make for some good science.

mucho mungo

we're alive and well in denver. the forecast is calling for snow with a touch of snow for today and tomorrow we can expect snow in the morning with shattered snow in the afternoon. both of us are working from home. i decided to do a little experiment. the pictures posted above are from 10 a.m. on friday. at 4 p.m., i'm going to do the same thing and see if you can visually tell more snow has fallen. then tomorrow, i'm going to do the same thing. my beautiful photographer and i will brave the harsh conditions for this experiment for science and human knowledge. isn't that what it's all about?

so at 10 a.m., the snow is about mid calf. we'll see if it gets higher later in the afternoon. the world is on edge.

been a long time

man. that was a long break from posting. it was not a self imposed break. there's just been a lot of stuff happening around here. but now it's calming down again. i have no studying this weekend. can you believe it? it's probably the first weekend since july that i haven't spent a majority of the time studying.

what are we going to do to celebrate? i'm glad you asked:

friday: we're going to the hi-dive to see cass mccombs live. i've been to one show at the hi-dive. i saw the love language there way back in like march of last year. it's an awesome venue. it reminds me of walters in houston, but smaller. and little dive-i-er. as noted in the title.

saturday: going to the park. that's after we sleep in. see, i've been waking up early (around 8) every weekend to get up and work out and drink coffee and start studying. not this weekend. sleepin in. 'saturday in the park'. throw the ball around. toss the frisbee. probably hit up cheeseman park. it's not a long walk from here.

sunday: super bowl!!! head up to the college inn and watch the super bowl. that's enough said about sunday.

in between, i'll probably watch some party down and pet sofie.

of course, this could all be derailed if that storm comes in and we get 10 inches of snow, which is possible on friday. that would change the whole weekend. what would we do then? i have no idea. lots of watching party down and lots of petting sofie.

the increasingly exotic tales of sofie b.

feeling yourself disintegrate

i know i've posted a lot of videos lately. but i guess if there was one that i'd want people to listen to, it would be this one because i'm listening to it over and over again as i write this.

"feeling yourself disintegrate."

nik cohn once said pet sounds was "sad songs about loneliness and heartache. sad songs even about happiness." and how equally and impenetrably intertwined sadness is with happiness. the last page of a book brings the penultimate feeling of joy but undoubtedly coupled with the final feeling of loss of the relationship you just ended by finishing the last sentence on the page.

each monumental accomplishment closes the door. each minute task ends.

as each day passes, i become more and more comfortable with who i am. i now know my limits. the culmination of years of fine-tuning can be laid to rest in a way, and now, we can just let the engine run. there's no implication of perfection in anyway. there's only acceptance. each layer of uselessness i packed on is disintegrating. and one day, i'll be left with only the useful. the most necessary. and i look forward to that day. because then i will have really achieved something. and the strange fact is i will be filled with joy but only for a little while. because when the joy dissipates and i have that quiet moment, i will be sad that i lost it.

on bended knee

yikes! that's not why all two of you tune into this blog. but i thought it was time to upload some pictures of what my mangled knee looks like. the last bit of bandage (yes, i had a bandage for over a month! i wasn't expecting that either!) fell off last night and i got my first look at my knee sans bandages. i thought it looked pretty gross so i took some pictures to share with everything. now obviously, i'm a redhead so there is some natural splotchyness to my color anyway. but you can there is still some redness and bruising from the surgery. my physical therapist, however, says it looks really good. and he is excited about how much i can straighten it and bend it. i still can't run. won't be able to run for another month or two. but i can walk pretty good. and each morning, it hurts less and less when i wake up. that's all you can ask for. i'm headed in the right direction. so don't be too freaked out by my pictures. i told demitria 'at least the incision is straight'. can you imagine if you took off your bandage and your incision was crooked? i would immediately have second thoughts about my surgeon.

you can clearly see the main incision in the pictures and also the hole in my kneecap. there are other holes around my knee too, but they don't show up too well. anyway, enjoy! and pretty soon i'll be challenging everyone to a race.

breaking the ice

these are some of our christmas activities. the bottom shot is of our wonderful tree. demitria is taking it down right now as i type. the presents have been opened. the good tidings and cheer have returned back to their rightful place and been replaced by mental neurosis and paranoia. ah, i missed those bleak winter thoughts. in the top picture, we have mr. chester, our snowman. he melted a few days ago. we have better pictures, but we can't get them off the camera yet. i'm still working on it. but it's a good picture of our entire snow-filled backyard. mr. chester is wearing a bowler hat, a red scarf and he literally has two pieces of coal for eyes. he's a sharp fellow. i was always sad at the end of frosty when he melted. and the feeling is even worse when your personal snowman melts. it's tough to take. but i hear he'll be back again next year. probably in a few short weeks. i'll keep everyone updated if mr. chester makes a return appearance.

oh my God, charlie darwin

gonna fly now

eye of the tiger

do the astros have it? no. they don't. we're a month away from spring training. that's right. we're getting close to baseball being back. and if you're an astros fan, that is a good and bad thing. the good thing is we can watch baseball. but the bad thing is it's really bad baseball. it was historically bad and it will be bad again this year. i mean real bad. chris johnson is no long term solution and it's beginning to become clear that brett wallace is not going to work out at the big league level. he seems like another jason lane. carlos lee is trending down quick. our bench is made up of scrubs. the future's so bright, i have to pull out my eyes.

the prospects on the way: singleton, cosart, villar. they might be on the way soon. paredes, martinez, altuve and castro will start the season. they looked decent at times last year. martinez showed some pop but not much. the pitching staff will be intact unless we deal wandy or brett myers, which we should. or maybe even bud norris. i'm not above dealing anybody at this point.

a new owner. a new season. baseball is almost back. the best time of year.

in the new year

new year's resolutions. aren't they great? we pick a certain day and make goals when we should be doing that everyday. and about two/three weeks later, those goals are gone because they were really only made to facilitate an immediate meaning to the new year. "this is the year i do this...". so, i'll play along:

1. pass all parts of the cpa test
2. lose the weight i've gained since surgery
3. volunteer once a month somewhere
4. take an international trip
5. buy a house

those are top five. i thought i'd stop there. i think i made a similar list earlier in the year. maybe changed a few things. once i get done with the test, i do really want to start volunteering somewhere. maybe do some work with the homeless. maybe do some sort of physical work, like helping build houses on the weekend or clean up an old person's yard. i have no idea. those are just the kinds of things i want to start filling my time with.

how about those texans? hurt and limping into the playoffs. i give them no shot at winning the game against cincinnati. they are one and done. come on jacky d! our 4th qb for the year! where is steve deberg or jeff george when you need them?

winter symphony

i've been listening to the beach boys to feel warm the last few days. however, this song perfectly hits the winter feeling that's all around us here. so merry christmas everyone. and stay tuned for pictures of snowmen to come, including the famous mr. chester who took up residence in our backyard. he's all business.

a bunch of lonesome heroes

folks, we could sit here and talk all day about my sports prowess. how i'm almost always right when it comes to predictions, but we have things to do people and i understand that.

but, let it be known, the texans have one more game to play. if they win, they're 11-5. if they lose, they're 10-6. i correctly predicted them going either 11-5 or 10-6 for the season in a previous blog entry. that makes this the third year in a row that i have correctly predicted the texans record within a game. i know, i know. amazing, right? well, thank you. i just ask that when you sit down with your kids/family for christmas, you tell them the real story of my amazing predictions. and save me some pie.

also in an earlier blog entry, i went off on gary kubiak and said he should be fired. no matter what the outcome is this year (with the farfetched exception being winning the super bowl), i stand by my rant. i don't think gary kubiak is a winning coach and ultimately, for the long-term benefit of the organization, he should go. this is why.

something cool

today is my wife's birthday. and as such, i had to come up with a birthday process. first, i hung the sign in the living room that says 'happy birthday'. i'm sure my wife knows it's her birthday, but the sign really seals it. then i told her she got one present right away, but for the remainder of the presents, she had to master the checkers game they have at cracker barrel, the one where it's a wooden triangle and you have to jump one peg at a time. she mastered it and got one more present. then she had to put together the panda puzzle you see above for her next present. obviously from the picture, she did as such. and finally, she had to find the funny money above. as i'm writing this, she has yet to find the funny money, so she has one more gift outstanding. and it's the best.

the money is currently located in the kitchen cabinets, stuck to the inside of the door. don't tell her.

tonight we're going to dinner at a place neither of us has been to. in addition to the birthday sign, i got her some birthday hats, balloons and those new years poppers. i never realized how awful those things stink. the house smells like gunpowder right now. gross. nothing reminds me of birthdays like the smell of gunpowder. i also got some crazy straws. and believe me, they're crazy.

on wednesday night and into thursday, we got a foot of snow. it's awesome outside. it's white and fluffy and the sun's out, so it's all bathed in sunlight. i mean, it's just beautiful. but really, really cold. i briefly went outside to throw out the coffee grinds from yesterday and my feet nearly came off.

call out the instigators

i wanna be your dog

christmas time is here

and in the spirit of christmas, i watched the star wars christmas special. you can watch it on youtube in little clips, like 15 of them.

it was, without a doubt, the worst thing i've ever seen. jefferson starship? wookie porn? what is going on here? life day? why does luke look like he's 10 and why is leia singing? why is bea arthur singing in a cantina on tatooine? the worst.

i highly suggest everyone take time this holiday season to watch this mammoth travesty of entertainment. and happy life day!

do it again

the beach boys are back baby! brian wilson, mike love, al jardine, bruce johnston and david marks are planning on recording a new album and doing a tour. now, i know. the last album by the beach boys was, to put it nicely, a big pile of crap. but, brian is involved this time and brian has been on a tear as of late. 'smile' and 'that lucky old sun' were really great albums. in fact, i was shocked how good 'that lucky old sun' was. of course, when you throw in mike and bruce, things could get dicey quick. but i'm keeping my hopes up for one last great beach boys album.

what would my ranking for greatest beach boys albums look like? i'm glad you asked. here is my list for greatest beach boys albums:

1. pet sounds
2. the beach boys love you
3. sunflower
4. today
5. surf's up
6. friends
7. summer days and summer nights
8. 20/20
9. all summer long
10. holland

those are the top ten greatest beach boys albums. they range from the early stuff in 1964 to about 1977. stay away from these albums:

1. miu
2. beach boys 85 s/t
3. keepin the summer alive
4. 15 big ones
5. carl and the passions/la light

these are pretty bad. carl and the passions and la light are good in spots, but between blonde's additions and a very well intentioned, but ultimately misguided attempt at beach boy disco, those two albums are the worst of the 70's after miu, which is probably the worst beach boys album ever. most of these are post-1977 when things went sour. one thing though, the best solo album by any beach boy is 'pacific ocean blue' by dennis wilson. it's incredible. dennis was the hidden talent in the band. he's the reason why 'sunflower' is so good.

any beach boys questions can be directed to me. i've been a scholar for more then ten years now. world-renowned expert people. i've met mike love. i've won tickets in a beach boy song name-off with old dudes. i know, impressive. thank you.

my study buddy pt. 2

looking good study buddy. i had to add one with her eyes open. and you can see why.

sign o the times

best protest signs of the year.

sonny feeling

jeff tweedy does the 7 day forecast on wgn. pretty good stuff.

my study buddy

she's working hard.

handshake drugs

i'm out of the initial surgery window. i'm up and moving. a bit. still up on crutches, but i'm up and down on my own. and i can lift my left leg on my own. i can almost tie my shoes on my own. that's a big day that's coming soon. i took the dressing off the other night to shower. i have about five holes around my knee. i have an incision about two inches long right under my knee. it all looked good. i cleaned up and dried off and felt great. i have never taken a shower on a cooler before, there is a first time for everything. see, i can't stand up on my own. so i had to sit. and a cooler was, crazy enough, the most logical choice. i think we're going to take it back to the store. so think about that the next you buy something, never knowing if someone sat naked on it and then took it back.

i also slept in my normal bed last night. i had been staying on the couch. i'm trying to get back to normal sleeping hours. i was sleeping and waking up and watching tv and then falling back to sleep. one night i was up at four in the morning watching 'how i met your mother'. is that dude ever going to end that story? i'm really ready to find out how he met his wife. and then we can move on the spin-off, 'how i met my third cousin rosie'. anyway, i need to get it together sleep wise.

i think i'm ready for my top ten for 2011. here it goes:

1. destroyer- kaputt
2. thurston moore- demolishing thoughts
3. my morning jacket- circuital
4. m83- hurry up, we're dreaming
5. fleet foxes- helplessness blues
6. wilco- the whole love
7. girls- father, son, holy ghost
8. panda bear- tomboy
9. real estate- days
10. radiohead- king of limbs
11. kurt vile- smoke ring for my halo
12. pains of being pure at heart- belong
13. a.a. bondy- believers
14. the low anthem- smart flesh
15. bon iver- bon iver
16. the strokes- angles
17. washed out- within and without

albums that i have a feeling are good, but i haven't heard:
1. ryan adams- ashes and fire
2. wye oak- civilian
3. ladybug transistor- clutching stems
4. the roots- undun
5. the smith westerns- dye it blonde

pretty good year for music this year. the radiohead album was a bit of a disappointment. wilco's new album was really a great welcome back from the band. the strokes rode the 80s wave and knocked a few tracks out of the park. i didn't see a lot of concerts this year: my morning jacket, the avett brothers, fruit bats, vetiver, noah and the whale and guster.

what else in 2011? travelled quite a bit: salt lake city, atlanta, kansas city, san jose, seattle. i stole a pizza in kc. i saw guster in salt lake city and ran into the starbucks guy out walking his dog on a random street in slc. that was awkward. got picked up and dropped in atlanta in a karoake bar. nothing exciting in san jose or seattle. got back from seattle and tore my acl. that weekend. way back in october. that was the last time i could run. never thought i'd miss running.

i usually have big even years. see below:
2010: moved to denver, got a job
2008: graduated and got married
2006: got engaged and moved in
2004: wrote a book and at the peak of my hotness

big stuff. now, see the odd numbered years:
2011: tore my acl
2009: moved into a cave
2007: nothing happened at all
2005: actually this was a good year, but you need an exception always

good stuff ahead.

good morning spider

i am alive people! i think that's probably where i should start. but the story begins earlier than that. actually, that's not true, because that's probably the beginning to all of my stories if you want to get technical. so i won't start there. instead i'll start thursday morning in the great city of denver:

9:15 a.m. i woke up and started getting ready for the big day. it had snowed the night before, so demitria had to wake up and snovel the driveway and sidewalk before we could go. there was probably about six inches of snow on the ground. i couldn't eat or drink anything before the surgery. bummer. i really wanted a glass of water. or some coffee. instead, i made sure my out of office reply was working for my work email.

10:15 a.m. i signed in. i had to fill out all kinds of paperwork saying i was notified of this and i was notified of that. took about 15 minutes to get through all the paperwork. and i didn't know at the time, i had more paperwork ahead of me in the pre-operating area.

11:15 a.m. they called my name. i went back and they took my blood pressure and asked me questions about my lifestyle. i said no to the questions about body piercing and tattoos. i said no to the hardcore drug questions. the nurse told me a story about one of her friends and how he found out his wife was cheating on him. good story. took my mind off the surgery.

11:30 a.m. i changed into my gown and got into bed. the nurse, the one with the good cheating story, shaved my knee and scrubbed it clean with iodine. she was having a hard time finding an adequate vein in my right arm, so she switches and finds a nice vein in my left hand. that's where they put the iv. now, i want to interject here that i heard several comments about how redheads are genetic mutants. i had heard a similar comment from my surgeon prior to the surgery in my last doctor's visit. he said that redheads had loose joints. the nurse said we have bad veins and bleed a lot of easier. all in all, the main topic of both conversations was that redheads are genetic mutants as already mentioned. i found that fascinating that doctors and nurses had these ideas pertaining to redheads and they were pretty commonly held among the medical community. interesting.

12:10 p.m. the doctors and the anesthesiologist came by and made sure i was ready. made sure we're doing the left knee and made sure we're using my own hamstring. the nurse had mentioned that since i was nervous i could ask the anesthesiologist for something before i go into surgery to calm me down. so of course, i did. and as they're wheeling me away, it starts to kick in and i yell to demitria that i can feel it kicking in. it felt like i'd just taken about 5 shots of alcohol at the same time. whoozy, but still hanging in there.

12:25 p.m. i'm in the operating room. it's cold. there's music. i start asking the doctor if i can get out of the house to watch the texans game on sunday. and that's it. i don't remember anything.

12:30 p.m.- 2:00 p.m. i don't remember anything. didn't have a single thought. no dreams while i was out. time gone from my life that's basically erased.

2:15 p.m. i'm out and awake. i don't remember much here either, but i do remember a nurse asking me how much pain i was in. and offering me cookies, which i accepted.

2:50-6:00 p.m. the rest of this time was waking up and getting moving. lots of breathing and making sure i wasn't nauseous. finally i got into a wheelchair and they wheeled me out and i was home.

that was the day. the big surgery day. woke up, got knocked out, got cut up and finally got home. it's amazing that this kind of stuff is even possible.

sister morphine

i'll be out of commission starting tomorrow around 11am for a few days. big day. pretty nervous. big week for me and tj yates.

every teardrop is a waterfall

the new coldplay album came out about 3-4 weeks ago. i heard a few tracks here and there, on the radio, on the web. i watched them perform on the colbert report. i have bought every coldplay album. from the beginning with 'parachutes' to the most recent album, 'viva la vida'. i even thought a real argument could be made that viva la vida was their best album.

but when the new album came out, i felt nothing. i had no desire to buy it, burn it or acquire it in anyway. i was done with coldplay. it was not a conscious decision. it wasn't something i had thought about and considered and finally acted on. i was just done. i had divorced coldplay.

but why? why would i divorce a band who's last album i thought could have been their best one? so i started thinking about why a person divorces a band. it wasn't the first time i had done it. after supergrass's 'road to rouen', i stopped buying their albums. of course, they only had one more left, but that's beside the point. after the white stripes 'get behind me satan' i didn't buy another one of their albums. i think they only had one left too. after 'jacksonville city nights', i stopped buying ryan adam albums and i think we all know he's released a few since then.

i think you reach a saturation point with a band. either a point where you think they're done or a point where you just don't ache for that sound anymore or a point where they don't feel like your band anymore. the relationship between a fan and a band is complicated and often times, ridiculous, but it is real. you do feel affection and love towards this group of people you've never met, but who's music has contributed to your life immensely. and just like a friendship or love has run its course, sometimes being a fan can run its course too.

coldplay, i will cherish what we had. i will cherish listening to 'yellow' and all the songs on 'a rush of blood to the head'. a girl once used one your songs to win my heart. you've achieved great success and adoration all over the world. but i have to move on. i can't be with you and 'mylo xyloto'. it's over, coldplay. goodbye.

happy thanksgiving!

in the spirit of thanksgiving, i thought i would post a clip that perfectly encapsulates the current state of our spirited economy. and for that, we should give thanks.

what's happening brother?

i think when marvin gaye sings, "and tell me friend, how in the world have you been?", it's one of the sincerest moments in music history. it's just saturated with empathy and a kind of tiredness that only someone who has traveled that long road can feel.

i just love it.

written in the snow, pt. 1

i have winterized the music choices in the living room. out with the summer and sunshine, in with the cold and lonesome. here is what is currently in rotation:

1. the autumn defense- circles
2. van morrison- astral weeks
3. neil young- after the gold rush
4. frank sinatra- in the wee small hours of the morning
5. marvin gaye- what's going on

lots of singer-songwriter type stuff. there's more down there. as noted in the blog title, i will be revisiting my winter music rotation throughout the season. please try to keep your excitement in check. any emails asking for advance notice will be rebuffed. harshly.

the abandoned hospital ship

my surgery is scheduled for december 1st. that's a week after thanksgiving to the day. i received two opinions telling me the same thing: torn acl, partially torn mcl, surgery on the acl, no surgery on the mcl. that was good news. if one guy said torn acl and the other said bananas, we would have an issue.

the surgery will take one hour. i will have a new acl put together with a clamp and two screws. i think one of the screws is more of a bolt. not sure on that. i get to hang around the hospital for a couple hours and then they send me home. that will be it. in the morning i have a bad knee and in the evening i have a bad knee with the potential to be good in several weeks.

"we can rebuild him. we have the technology."

in other news, i went to physical therapy last week and got some tips on how to strengthen my knee in the meantime. it was a big help. i can already feel my leg getting stronger. basically he said my quad has shutdown and i have to get blood flowing back in there. i've been trying to do that in the gym, but i haven't been successful. now i can feel a difference. it's funny how i'm doing all this work to get it better right before surgery, then i have surgery and then i have to do all the same work again to get it functioning after surgery. lots of work. for volleyball.

in other, other news, we're getting ready for thanksgiving. we had a feast year and we said we weren't going to that again but it sounds like we're going to do it again. i enjoyed it. i helped with a lot of the cooking last year. it was really fun. the only thing that would make it great is if it snowed. it hasn't snowed since before my birthday.

i went nuts at twist and shout the other day. i spent my birthday gift cards. bought the following:

1. lou reed- berlin
2. spiritualized- live royal albert hall
3. real estate- (new album)
4. m83- hurry up, we're dreaming
5. warren zevon- excitable boy
6. super furry animals- phantom power
7. sparklehorse- good morning spider

i think that's it. i have a soft spot for the super furry animals. good stuff. and i think sparklehorse is one of the most underrated bands of all time. so good.

last night

i'm not sure what i saw last night. i think there was a football game of some sort. it didn't really look like one. lots of bad throws. bad plays. three and outs. i was confused and disoriented. then, out of nowhere, it was crystal clear. there was noise. crowds cheering. people excited. we had won the game.

that's what it's like watching the denver broncos and tim tebow. lots of confusion. lots of ugliness. and then, madness, chaos and a win. it's really amazing. they're running the option! the option! we ran that at channelview high school! the option! and they're winning with it!

it's really amazing.

and how about two whammies for houston sports in one week. matt schaub out for the rest of the season and the astros moving to the AL west. wow. matt leinert is our new quarterback and i have to love the DH. don't know if i can swallow it. don't know if i can take it. i guess i'll get over it. i guess i'll use the glow and aura of tim tebow here in denver to keep me warm and safe at night. thank you tim tebow for looking out for us and protecting us from the harsh reality of the sports world.

king of snails

i'm 32 now. i had my birthday but didn't really consider my age in the whole discussion of the event. i guess age is something that will play less and less of an important role in the birthday scheme. when you're young, each age brings some new level of importance/independence: 16- driving, 18- voting and smoking and military action, 21- drinking, 25- renting a car. and there's some other stuff thrown in there too. but 32? not much different from 31 or 30 or 29.

way back in the yesteryear of 2006, i came up with a plan. i was tired of my life. i was tired of the direction it was going. i was tired of everything i thought i had wanted. so as previously mentioned in the prior sentence, i came up with a plan. the plan was as follows:

1. go back to school for a marketable skill/degree
2. propose to my girlfriend who i wanted as my wife
3. get a new job
4. get married
5. graduate
6. pass the cpa exam
7. move to colorado or oregon, which was my other top candidate

i have done all those things with the exception of passing the cpa exam. as you've seen in my last brilliant post, i did pass REG and i hope to finally pass FAR this month, leaving only AUD in january of next year. either way, however it shakes out, i will pass next year. it will be over at some point. that takes care of everything on the list from 2006. hell of list. hell of a lot of progress for five years, i think. so now i need a new list. a new list for 2012 and beyond. maybe another five years. i like to keep it simple. 20 years is too much. you get bogged down in all the stuff you have to do. new list. here we go in no particular order:

1. buy a house in denver
2. hike a 14er
3. get another new job
4. visit a foreign country, preferably ireland or canada
5. buy silver/gold
6. get master's degree
7. listen to every lou reed solo album
8. start a considerably productive garden
9. meet matt taibbi

number seven will be the toughest.

victory dance

in addition to my amazing birthday night i experienced last night, i got my score back for REG.

i passed.

now i have to pass FAR this month and AUD in january. i've already passed AUD once, but i lost the credit.

i cannot believe i finally passed REG. i failed FAR by two points last time and one point the time before. i'm going to be ready to get those points this time.

and then i'm going to land this thing finally.

if you want to feel how i felt when i got my score, check out the song above and crank it.

they say it's your birthday

i had a bad day at work. no matter how hard i try, i always feel like i'm trying to catch up to everybody else. they've gone to great schools and received master's degrees. they pass the cpa on the first try. all four parts. they're studs, these kids. i try and i try and i do okay. they do great. it wears on me. and eventually i'm either going to win this race, get tired and stop or the race will win. each day brings a different outcome for me.

today, the race was rough. i was running all day and i don't think i got anyway. i came home a defeated man as i often do. but my mood my instantly lifted when i opened the door and my wife had the house decorated for my birthday. there were balloons. there were hats. there were inflated balloons and a birthday sign. this is in addition to the dinner and movie we're going to later tonight.

and as a gift, she got me the smile sessions box set which i've been talking about none stop since it came to my attention that it was being released. i'm listening to it right now and loving it.

i came home a defeated man. one leg. hobbling around. and now i feel celebrated. things can change for you. quick. i might come home defeated most nights. but every night i come home to my wife, i win.

lulu

the reviews have not been kind. i didn't think they would be. i have only listened to about 4 or 5 tracks. i suffered through them. it's lou talking over the common metallica crunch. he doesn't even try to sing anymore. and metallica doesn't try to do anything because, well, metallica sucks and always has. but the two of them together, i thought could be something amazing. something messed up, but truly beautiful underneath. maybe they could pull the best out of each other and return to their true potential. i was probably thinking of another 'berlin' maybe. but the band lou had for 'berlin' was talented. metallica sound like grunge hacks.

still. i wouldn't mind hearing it again. lou always makes me listen twice. but i think i'll wait until it hits the used bin. because i know it will. and very soon.

porpoise song

we've come to two weeks since my injury. two weeks on living on basically a knee and a half. i don't recommend it. it's better to have two and that's only because you have two of everything else. it balances out. if anything goes from two to something less than two, everything is out of whack.

monday i get the MRI results. i'm really nervous. i want to believe that it's only a sprain and that i'm really fine. but i know there's something not right in my knee. i've had it 31 years. i know it pretty well. it's very possible i could be having surgery around my birthday, which is a week from monday. very possible.

it's amazing what the mind can put out of reach. i don't really think about it. i don't dwell on it. i don't obsess over it. but when that thought comes racing back from the back of mind, i start to sweat. i get a little queasy. i have these thoughts of me jumping in the air and coming down and my knee cracking and breaking and i fall over and down to the ground. i have thoughts of opening the garage door and putting significant weight on my knees and my left one buckles and i fall. i have these terrible thoughts. i mean, they're so ridiculous. i've had it happen for real. it happened two weeks ago and it felt nothing like that. it's just my mind trying to come to grips with this alien procedure. i'll be a nervous wreck when the time comes. or maybe i won't. i don't know. i cannot predict myself most of the time. i freak out when i shouldn't and then i'm abnormally calm when there's trauma and tragedy.

i don't know where i'm going with this. there really is no point. it's just rambling from my mind. worse will come to me in my life than this. this will be routine. this will be fine.

in other news, game six last night was beyond description. just, amazing. we're heading out to watch game seven tonight. i haven't watched a game seven since i was a young man in huntsville, texas. that was the last time there was a game seven in the world series. i'm super excited.

somebody just came to the door. why is that stressful? it didn't used to be. anytime the doorbell rings unexpectedly, i get that flight or fight feeling and since i can't fight or flight right now as i'm laid up on the couch, i had no idea what my third option was.

Ryan Adams - Night Sweats

this is one of the craziest things i've ever seen. it's awesome and it makes absolutely no sense. but i love it anyway. night sweats!

head over heels

this morning i was all over this town. i got a haircut, got some contacts and got some food from the whole grocer mart or something. i don't remember what it's called.

i also went by goodwill just to see what they had. i found three albums:

1. rem- automatic for the people
2. tears for fears- songs from the big chair
3. the rapture- echoes

all good finds for goodwill. also, i've been on a documentary kick since i can't get out much. i've watched:

1. man on wire
2. theremin- an electronic odyssey
3. scott walker- 30th century man
4. sacco and vanzetti

those are some good lists. i also took a bath this morning. much needed, i'll leave it at that. demitria comes back tomorrow. i need to tidy up a bit before she does. this is a pretty boring entry, but i haven't really been up to much lately. i'm sure when i get the surgery and i'm whacked out on painkillers, there will be much more lively entries.

Margin Call Trailer

the lehman story. but might be a good flick.

the end has no end

tonight witnessed an amazing feat. demitria is out of town and i have get by on my own. i made my dinner. it was awesome. i made some cheese dip. and i was able to get the chips, bowl and my drink to the living room without incident. of course, that was multiple trips. multiple slow trips. and i was able to get out of the car with my work backpack while talking on the phone without falling over. the amazing feats have no limits tonight.

now, i've eaten. and i'm getting ready to watch a couple documentaries before i go to bed early tonight. i have my MRI early tomorrow morning. i wonder what they're going to find in there?

home

i've been spending a lot of time at home since i messed up my knee. no working out. no biking. no jogging. no walking. lots and lots of couch time. i thought it was going to drive me crazy. and maybe it will in the coming months. there are still lots of trying times ahead. but i love being home. i don't have to fit in working out or whatever. i come home. i ice my knee. i hang out with my wife. it's actually kind of great. she's going out of town tomorrow for a few days. through the weekend at least. i'm going to miss her. i can't wait until she comes home again.

this bright flash

it's not great getting old. there are parts that i enjoy immensely: the going to bed early, the getting up early, the drinking of coffee, the feeling of 'i've been there' when younger people tell me stories, the appreciation of trees, winter and fresh fruit. the list goes on and on. what i don't like about getting old is that your body starts to become like an old radio. the reception is still there, but the thing requires these massive batteries if you've lost the cord. and if you haven't lost the cord, some of the buttons have worn off and the stickers you put on there at one time to be cool, now look old and kind of lame. i still have the first cd player i bought from sam's club in houston. the cd player does not work and there is a houston oilers sticker on it. really old. but the radio still works and it's my only working tape deck in the house. i think i bought that stereo/radio and garth brooks' 'in pieces' at the same time. i busted that out like a month ago. still has it charms.

saturday afternoon, i went hard to block a shot at the net. i was playing volleyball. i don't play volleyball very well. i did block the guy's shot though. kind of. it went out of bounds, but it looked awesome. what wasn't awesome was that when i came down, it felt like my knee exploded. i was having the worst pain i had ever experienced in my life. i had to carried off the court. eventually, the pain subsided. i hung out. drank a few beers and was feeling better. i decided i could walk home. so i stood up and put some pressure on that knee and i felt a shift in my knee that could only mean horrible, terrible things. i went to the ER, had an x-ray and found no broken bones. they referred me to a orthopedic surgeon for an MRI just to make sure nothing was damaged.

i didn't get the MRI today but the doctor spent two seconds moving my knee around and was 100% sure i had a torn ACL. needless to say, i will be having the MRI either tomorrow or the next day. but i'm pretty sure this guy knows what he's talking about so i have accepted the fact that i do in fact have a torn ACL. check out what is and what it means right here.

what it means for me is that i'll be having surgery. the first surgery in my life. i don't have to have surgery though. i can continue the rest of my life with a torn ACL and be fine. however, i will never be able to play tennis, basketball, soccer or anything else that requires a lot of stopping and starting. i don't think that's what i want from my life at 31. but on the other hand, i am scared to death of having surgery. i don't like knives or blood or scars. i don't think it's awesome to have stitches or stuff like that. i want my body non-carved.

but i have to do it. once the swelling goes down and once i can get some strength back in the knee, i'll be having ACL surgery on my left knee. probably will be about 3-4 weeks from now. right around my birthday. and then i can look forward to six months of being less than 100%. but i guess that's better than 50 years. right?

football rap

i'm not a hyper-reactive fan. i don't think major changes must be made by one or two game performances. but the time has come to fire gary kubiak. we cannot afford to go another game with him as our head coach. the offense is terrible and i know andre johnson is hurt and arian foster has been hurt, but the play calling is incredibly moronic and the team has no heart or passion and i think that comes directly from the head coach. leave the defense as is. i think the defense is starting to come together and can only hold the other team for so long before they get tired and start to wear down. but i've seen these games enough. every game is the same. it's time to go for kubiak. right now. don't wait. don't waste another season. let him go.

sleepless in seattle

i'm back from seattle. i didn't get out much because i was under the weather. i didn't get to the space needle or anything like that. however, my hotel was right by the water and right by the fish market. so i was able to take some time and walk around the fish market. the fish they had there were incredible. i wanted to sneak a bunch of salmon in my bag and bring it home, but i figured the fish with the suitcase with the travel might be a bad combo. i also walked around the occupy wall street: seattle movement one day after worked too. it was interesting because the people i was with are young and generally from wealthy families. they had no interest walking through the crowds. they were visibly uncomfortable. i was not. i walked around and took pictures. i didn't sing or chant. but i felt at home walking amongst the people. there is a group here in denver too. i might go down there and take pictures there as well.

waiting on a friend

i'm hanging in seattle tonight. i have a cold. yep. i'm out of town with a cold. so instead of hanging out and eating great food, i'm sitting in the hotel room watching baseball and eating potbelly. i picked potbelly because they don't have them in denver. but i found one in seattle. anyway, i love the avclub. as i sit in bed with kleenex in my nose, i'm having a blast because i'm reading an article about great 'bad' albums. i love that concept. albums by great bands that enter into a period of making great 'bad' albums and who better to dissect than the rolling stones. i personally love goats head soup. it's not their best album, it's not their second or third best album. it's not particularly lyrically great or musically great. but it's a great 'bad' record. this guy picks tattoo you as his great 'bad' stones album. i can't really disagree with his analysis. check it out.

frances farmer will have her revenge on seattle

i hope she doesn't while i'm there. i'm headed to seattle today for a week long training exercise. i'm going to try and hit up the space needle and something else. maybe the fish market? bring some fish home in my suitcase? i think that sounds very appealling. i don't know anything about seattle and it helps that i won't have a ton of time to get out anyway.

how about those texans yesterday? mario's out for the season. ad's out for another 2-3 games. the game ended with a schaub int on the winning drive. what has changed? i guess just the year.

demitria is making fried green tomatoes for me this morning before i leave. as noted in previous blog entries, we have a ton of tomatoes to pick before winter comes and most of them won't ripen because it's too cold now. so we're frying them up. well she's frying them up and we're eating them green. they're really good. i've never had them. i think for her birthday in a few years, i'll get her a cow. and then the next year, a chicken. we'll be living off the land in a decade. maybe a windmill too. and solar panels. and a lightsaber.

winter

it's here. it's about 32 degrees outside today. it's time for winter music. that means the following artists will be returning to my stereo:

1. scott walker
2. leonard cohen
3. the rolling stones
4. yo la tengo
5. lou reed

weird how 3 of the 5 are singer/songwriters, not bands.

has anyone watched the new office with andy as the boss? i haven't really liked the first few episodes, but this week's was pretty good. i watched it this morning. i woke up super early today, like around 7:30. now i'm pretty tired. i should take a nap. i don't like taking naps though because i wake up feeling like all exhausted and mushy brained, like i can't think straight.

is it impolite to say you don't want to hold someones baby? i'm not big on holding babies and i'd really rather not in most situations. there are a few where i would, like when ana had a baby. i held her baby. but like people you're not that close to, i would rather not hold their baby. is that rude? can i just not be in the mood to hold babies? is that an affront to the babymaker?

you say tomato, i also say tomato

these are our tomatoes. they are from our garden out back. i posted some photos of our garden about a month or two ago. this is probably the last batch of red tomatoes we'll get. we still have plenty of green tomatoes. the weather is changing and it's getting colder. they don't do great when it's cold. that's why we've had so many grow down here in denver. you talk to people in the mountains and they can't grow tomatoes. we had some strawberries too, but we eat those right out back. we usually jump and down in excitement while we eat them. they're about the size of a dime. tiny, tiny strawberries. they taste awesome though.

we saw 'the ides of march' last night for free. it kind of sucked. i love clooney. this was not his best work. the most entertaining part of the night was the people. there are people there who go every week and line up and stand in line for hours to see free movies. there was a guy who knew like ever fourth group of people. he went to every little group and told each group what an amazing cast this movie had. and then he would name each person in the movie and walk away. and i could hear him each time. he was loud and very excited. and then later, he'd come back and tell each group that he would save them some seats. it was great. i ate so much popcorn though. big time. too much.

death and all of his friends

i don't normally have dreams that i remember. last night was an exception. i don't actually remember the whole dream. i don't really know what it was about in the beginning.

all i know is that i was going to die. i knew it. i felt it. i was scared, but ready. when you die in dreams, you usually wake up. at least i do. so i don't think i've ever really died in a dream or at least i've never gone all the way through the process. last night, i did. i was lying in a bed. and as the time came, my body quickly tightened, not in a way that hurt or was uncomfortable, but it was as if my body made one last gasp. and then it released. and i was dead. my mind didn't stop though. i just left my body. and i think i spent the rest of the dream as a ghost.

but the main point is that i felt my body constrict and stop. i'm not absolved of all my fears of passing. but something about that dream made me comfortable with the process. of course, i could still slam into another car or something like that. i'm sure that won't feel great.

in other news, we went to estes park this past weekend. it was incredible. i love that place.

in other, other news, we had a mouse in the garage. we actually had two mice. one was killed in a trap we set with peanut butter. the other was killed by some poison we left out. the mouse ate so much of the poison, his scat turned green, the color of the poison. we found him in the back of the garage.

in other, other, other news, i took my test this past weekend and i was actual able to look myself in the face after taking it. i have never had that feeling before. i hope it translates into a passing grade.

do you realize pt. 2

it's official. both the braves and red sox are out. the only word is: wow.

do you realize?

do you realize that i could miss two of my preseason baseball predictions on the last game of the season? i had the atlanta braves going to the playoffs, as well as the boston red sox. i correctly nailed milwaukee, philly, ny and texas. i missed on colorado and minnesota big time. but i can't miss on both boston and atlanta too! and on the last game of the season?

i was hoping the astros would do me a personal favor and win tonight and knock out st. louis. yeah, the cardinals scored 5 runs in the 1st! nice way to end the season 'stros.

got to keep the faith that i'll go six for eight. because four for eight doesn't cut it!

does anyone want more youtube videos concerning silver manipulation? because i have them.

the daily mail

talk about a tale of two bands. i saw radiohead on snl. they were gross. then, i just watched them on the colbert report and they were awesome. incredible. whatever four syllable word you can think of. stupendacious.

i just rediscovered my love of peanut butter crackers. i've eaten like ten packs in two days. that's my dinner tonight. maybe i'll eat an egg too.

we're heading to estes park this weekend. no one in denver reads this blog right? well, no one with breaking-in tendencies. i take REG on sat. morning. i've taken it once. i missed passing by five points. i have studied my ass off in these last two-three months. i changed my approach. i accepted that i had to adapt to pass. i feel like i'm there. we'll see. actually the worse part is, i won't see until mid-december. that's a long time to wait. i'm ready. i feel like rocky after he lost to mr. t who's character was actually named clubber lang. he lost to clubber lang and mickey died too so he lost his fighting mojo. but then adrian confronted him and he realized he was afraid. and he and adrian talked and he realized it's okay to be afraid. you have to take that fear and use it as a strength. i was afraid of the test. i'm not afraid anymore.

there's so much you can learn from rocky i-vi. not much for part v, but still.

did anyone see ron paul on the daily show? i love ron paul, but i can't see how the free market is going to keep corporations from polluting and things like that. you need regulators because the market is never truly free. i agree with him on most everything else though. especially his thoughts on monetary policy.

hyman minsky said the market was essentially unstable.

Wilco - One Sunday Morning (Song For Jane Smiley's Boyfriend)

i can't stop listening to this song. i love the first few lines, "this is how i tell it, oh, but it's long."

speak into the rose

i purchased the new wilco album tonight at twist and shout. i also entered into a drawing to win some swag. i guess it's not swag if you have to enter into a drawing to get it. i also picked up the new girls album, the new aa bondy album and a used copy of the jayhawks sound of lies. good pickup.

must be in a good place now

twist and shout is an awesome record store in denver over on colfax. i've mentioned it a couple times with most people. i really like the place. the other day, they had an in-store concert. the lead singer of the fruit bats and the lead singer of vetiver played a little, intimate show. that's them at twist and shout in the bottom picture. so i met demitria there after work and the show was great. i had seen the fruit bats before at walters on washington in houston and i really like them. vetiver is good too, but i'm not super familiar with their music.

anyway, they had a drawing for the concert that night. both groups were playing at the bluebird. and guess what? we won! we talked to both guys and told them we won and we were going to see them at the bluebird. until the concert, we hung out and had a couple drinks. it was a great night. the show was awesome. we stayed out way too late for week night. but it was worth it. you got to get out and get lucky in life. and i think most of the time the luck just has to do with you getting out. plus it was bruce's birthday so i think there was some good karma in the air.

we'll be heading back to twist and shout on monday night. they're having a wilco listening party for the release of their new album and selling it the night before it comes out. i'm actually listening to it right now on npr.org.

nightswimming

another great REM song. definite highlight from automatic for the people.

it's the end of the world as we know it

REM broke up today. i'm not really saddened by this news. i feel more put in my place, if that makes sense. REM's music was never top notch to me. i liked them for sure. but i didn't love them. but they've been a part of the music scene since i started listening to music. i remember "shiny happy people". i remember the theme song to "get a life" was "stand". i bought "out of time" on cassette and let derek gosney borrow it. i never got it back. so i don't mourn the loss of REM. i will miss them because they've always been there. like when a building gets demolished. you don't really miss it. you just sense things are changing.

radiohead, wilco, the flaming lips. i'll feel it when those bands break up. but best wishes to REM. thanks for the tunes. man on the moon is my favorite REM song. i used to play it on the guitar late at night in huntsville after several rounds of drinks.

heroes and villians

november 1st! the smile sessions will finally be released. i've obsessed over this album for more than a decade. i used to put together my own smile versions when cd burning first appeared. i had all different versions. brian singing this song. mike singing that song. add in a barnyard. take out an instrumental. i can't wait to hear every note. every moment of studio banter. the greatest never released album is finally being released.